I Survived a 3 Day Juice Cleanse

image via Peeled Juice Bar

I’ve been wanting to give a juice cleanse a try for over a year now.  I’ve seen people RAVING about how OMG AWESOME they feel after they have  juiced cleansed.  Well, I want to feel OMG AWESOME!  So, I finally found a 3 day stretch where could tackle a cleanse and I found a Groupon so I wouldn’t have to do all the juicing myself.

Here is my account, the good, the bad,  and the hungry ugly.

Day 1..

8 am- I picked up my juice at Peeled, got to work and cracked open a Green Lantern at 9am. The taste was not bad, wasn’t eggs with a side of bacon delicious, but drinkable.  After my first juice I was still hungry.  People who say juicing fills them up…LIARS!  So,  I decided I needed to make a drinking schedule so that I wouldn’t be tempted to guzzel them all down by noon.  Your suppose to drink them in 2 hour intervals, without  this written down I would cheat.

9:30 I wanted to fall asleep at my desk so I had a cup of green tea. I made it a whole 1/2 hour on my cleanse before cheating…I SUCK. and Green Tea is not coffee.  It is not a substitute. NO NO NO.NO!  More than anything I wanted a cup of coffee.  

11:00 Haute Lemonade time.  This was good…would make an excellent cocktail with some tequila thrown in it.  I kinda wish I got more of it.  FYI..I AM STILL HUNGRY and I’m waiting to feel AMAZING.. tic toc..tic toc.

11:27.. I WANT COFFEE.

1:00 Shit I forgot about my meeting…I want juice

1:36…THANK GOD the meeting ended..JUICE!  Maroon 5…the beet juice concoction is well, meh.  It’s not horrible, it’s not delicious but it is better than the Green Lantern.  FYI, I’m so hungry, I’m ready to lick the bottom of my shoe.

2:00  Finished juice, still hungry.   WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE WHO WERE NOT HUNGRY?

4:30  The Green Lantern is definitely not my favorite and is the least filling of these so called “omg I’m so full” juices.

5:00 Tackled the Couch to 5K workout.  I’m not sure what was worse…running without music or running while hungry.   I trucked though it.  GO ME.

6:30 F-IT,  I cannot wait until 7pm for my next Juice.  So I’ll drink it S.L.O.W.L.Y.  The Maroon 5 is growing on me.

7:30 I’m freezing.  I should take a bath and warm up.  I’m also a total BITCH RIGHT NOW.

8:30  Mmmmm Cashew Milk.  This stuff is da’bomb.

9:00 I’m hungry, I’m just going to go to bed.

Day 2

7 am..walk the dog, drink water and go back to bed..I’m so tired

8 am…must get up and go to work

9 am..ugh green juice..I’d kill for a cuppa coffee.  I’m in a piss poor mood. 

10:26..is it 11:00 yet..I want some damn lemonade

11:00 AHhhhhh lemonade

11:15  Yup I’m HUNGRY

11:16 YUP SLEEPY

12:00 I caved again to Green Tea.  I’m cold, its hot and I think it tastes like ass. 

1:30  Mmmmm lunch.  A Maroon 5.

4:45 If I stop on my way home from work for a manicure I won’t think about food for 30 minutes

5:30  UGh…that damn green shit again.  But I’m so hungry and joy, I’m developing a slight headache.  How many more hours of this shit?

7:30  great a meeting with food.  Pass me my Maroon 5 and a bowl full of willpower

9:00 Cashew Milk, Cashew Milk.  This stuff is da bomb

9:25 Well, time for bed. So.I.DON’T.EAT

Day 3

7 ..roll over
7:05  Addison is giving me the stare down (hot one in the chamber I suppose)

7:10  walk dog. By the way, I look awesome in my PJs, wool coat and hot pink running shoes.  SASSY!

7:20 crawl back in bed

8:00 drink water, shower, try not to think about food

9:00 meeting..shit I forgot to grab my juice

10:00 Green Juice…mmmmm (only one more of these to go..THANK GOD)

11:00 Love me some Haute Lemonade

11:42 TRYING NOT TO THINK OF FOOD…

12:00 Place Instacart order since I cannot be trusted in a grocery store right now   

1:00 I’m ready to eat my shoe, I miss chewing. At least I get the Maroon 5 and not the green sludge

3:00 LAST GREEN SLUDGE!!!!!  HORRAY! (To be honest I chucked a quarter of in the trash..I.JUST.COULDN’T.DRINK.ANYONMORE)

6:00 2 more to go..just two more.  I can do this I can, I can

7:00 Last Maroon 5

8:00 Tic TOC Tic TOC…cleaned the bathroom floor to keep me busy

9:00 YUMMMMM Cashew Milk.  AND MY LAST JUICE!

9:30 Bed! Again, so I don’t eat

All in all, the juice was pretty tasty.  The cashew milk was delicious as well as the lemonade.  I liked the Green Lantern just not twice a day for THREE DAYS.  It got old for me.  The Maroon 5 was tasty but you have to like beets.

Nothing solid crossed my lips FOR THREE WHOLE DAYS. I did drink a little green tea and mint tea as well as water. My only craving was coffee. 

I think what the cleanse taught me was how much I eat and how much I think about eating.   During the cleanse,  I just wanted to eat in general. The desire to eat decreased by the 3rd day but I was still hungry often. I learned what hunger is and that I CAN live another day and be hungry. YES,  I WILL LIVE if I don’t have a 3 pm snack. 

I’m pretty bummed that I never got the OMG Awesome feeling.  While I didn’t feel bad, I never felt OMG Awesome either.  In fact I felt tired (likely because of the lack of caffeine). One positive was any bloating I had was gone.  I can’t say that I noticed any difference in my skin, then again, my skin is bright and clear normally. 

So…Would I do it again..maybe.  For me, the mental benefits outweighed the physical.   Would I enjoy doing it..HELL NO.  To be honest, I think a cleanse that includes some sort of food is more up my alley.

I have to give a big shout out to my friend Allison…she listened to me bitch and whine for 3 days.  She is the best!